Losing Jordan

22 April 2013

 This is the only image I have when thinking about the mortality of children, I watched my dad cope withh the death of my little sister. I can't really explore this futrther than this.

Study of a Dead Child, the Artist's Son 1860,

William Lindsay Windus

We just buried a student in my class. He was part of my teaching journey for the last four years. His death paralysed me; I have been unable to really comprehend what has happened.\Personally:
• It has given me nightmares; I have only just got the image of his face out of my head.
• I have been paralysed regarding my motivation, I have been unable to complete things to how I usually apply myself.
• I have felt no guilt in this matter. However being a father myself has certainly affected my feelings.
• The complete horrific and tragic circumstances of his death mean I don’t want to explore this in an academic manner. Am I in danger of a little depression here? Perhaps.
• I have lost boys over the years compared to other teachers, teaching boys in rural communities certainly has its toll, roads, alcohol, speed, risk taking, suicide. I will not be reviewing the literature on this matter, and not looking to statistics of depression and risk taking in young men.
• Thus was different, this was so personal in comparison. \
• I won’t explore this further other than reflect on what a privilege this job is. It takes me back to the beginning of this unit what is the model of the ideal teacher, what qualities do we have. Parents at the funeral came to me to thank me for my care as a teacher, looking after their sons, being thankful that they were not the ones burying a son. Yes teacher’s can be agents for change and transformation. Yes we have our own moral compass that some students look to; we provide images of cultural academic and social values. We are not one dimensional we are a blended agent. I hate the fact that this incident has provided a full circle for this blog, back to what a good teacher is. Am I saying I’m an ideal teacher? I could not be that arrogant. I’m trying to be the best teacher I can be. This unit has only put a structure to the knowledge I already had, or the intuitive skill that I thought I had. The literature illustrates these points using the conventions of academia to support and add validity to mere intuition.